


How

by Braincoins



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort?-ish?, Not sure if this counts as major character death or not, Post-Season 4, Psychological Trauma, background shallura - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 06:51:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12383124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Braincoins/pseuds/Braincoins
Summary: Shiro's finally made it back to the Castle of Lions. But this may not be the home he lost.





	How

**Author's Note:**

> Literally no editing. My muse threw this at me in the shower, I got out, dried off, and sat down to write this. I do need to eat at some point, so here you go, I'm just tossing it out there and you'll all have to suffer for it.
> 
> Little Shallura hints because it's me and I can't not, but I can't really say that this _is_ a Shallura fic.  
>  ==============================

            “Shiro, there you are.”

            He started to turn away from the vid screens showing the view from the Castle. He stopped himself. He couldn’t face her. He couldn’t face any of them right now.

            “You should be resting,” he said as he gazed out into deep space again.

            “So should you.”

            The doors of the observation deck closed behind her, shutting the two of them in with the silence.

            “How?” he asked at long last.

            “I don’t know.”

            “Do you even know what I was asking?”

            “You could have been asking ‘How do I rest?’ Perhaps ‘How did this happen?’ My answer to both is the same: I don’t know.”

 

**[A Few Vargas Ago]**

            The Castle of Lions had never looked so lovely to him, not even the first time he saw it. Then it had been awe-inspiring, breath-taking – something alien and strange and potentially deadly (like most other alien things had been to him for the year before that) but marvelous. Now?

            “I’m home,” he breathed as they swooped in to the docking bay Coran had assigned. It’d been so good to hear his voice again, Shiro had nearly cried.

            And they were there to meet them when they landed. He told himself he was going to keep it together, maybe a big group hug if he absolutely broke down. But all of that went out the window as soon as he stepped off of the ship and saw her there.

            “Allura.” He ran straight to her and caught her up in a hug. She actually squeaked in surprise, but he just closed his eyes and concentrated on how warm she felt in his arms. “You’re alive. You’re alive, thank goodness.”

            “Oh. Yes, I am.”

            “I’m so glad.”

            “Whoa. I didn’t realize you two were so…close,” he heard Lance say.

            He blushed and cleared his throat, letting go of her and stepping away. “We’re… we’re not. Not like... we're not.”

            Allura cleared her own throat. She was blushing faintly. “Am I… Am I dead in your reality?”

            “In… _my_ reality?” _Is this some sort of Slav-inspired joke?_ But then he took in what she was wearing. “A-are you a… a paladin?”

            She smiled and folded her hands in front of her. “Yes. I am the paladin of the Blue Lion.”

            He frowned and looked to Lance. “But… then…?”

            Lance grinned and shrugged. “I know it’s confusing, but I’m in Red at the moment.”

            “So then…” He looked around and realized _Keith isn’t here._ He felt a chill go through him. “Oh no. What… what happened to Keith?”

            “He’s fine!” Pidge rushed to reassure him. “He’s with the Blade of Marmora.”

            He exhaled and felt the tightness in his chest loosen. “He’s not a paladin anymore?”

            “Well, he kind of still is but he also kind of isn’t?” Hunk said. “I mean, right now the Blades are kind of his priority, so…”

            “But then who…?” _Oh._

            Allura smiled. “You see, that’s why we know you’re from another reality. Shiro’s piloting the Black Lion again.”

            “Again?”

            “Well, he kind of disappeared for a bit there,” Lance told him. “After our epic fight against Zarkon.”

            Shiro nodded. “Yeah, I remember that. I used Black’s teleport ability to get the Black Bayard back. We formed Voltron, then the sword, then I used the bayard and the sword blazed with fire. Zarkon was trying to wrest control of Black from me again and Black… sent me away. Somewhere safe.” He cleared his throat. “Speaking of which…” He turned back to his new-found friend.

            “About time you got around to introductions!” Brazen as ever, she strode forward and introduced herself. “I’m Romelle, co-commander of the Altean Diaspora.”

            “Alteans?!” Allura declared, face lighting up with delight.

            “Whoa there, Princess,” Hunk reminded her, “the last Alteans we came across weren’t so great. I mean, no offense, but…”

            Romelle’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean ‘the last Alteans you came across’?”

            “It was in another reality,” Lance explained. “Don’t worry about it. And, by the way, the name’s Lance. You might’ve seen me in some of our performances…” He was doing his “charming” grin.

            Everyone else groaned. _Sounds like I’ve missed out on a lot. Or… not, since they’re not from my reality._

            “So, how’d you get here?” Pidge asked excitedly.

            “Flew.” Romelle jerked her thumb back at the ship they came in on.

            “No, no, I mean, how’d you get to our reality?”

            “We haven’t left this reality,” Romelle insisted. “Voltron’s the only thing that can jump realities, and we don’t have Voltron or even a Lion. Just this one paladin.” She nodded at Shiro. “We’ve been trying to find you guys so we could bring him back to you.”

            They all cast a look amongst themselves. “I’m going to get Shiro in here,” Coran declared, turning away to page him.

            “Are you sure?” Allura asked.

            Romelle nodded. “We have a wealth of old texts on the subject of Voltron, including some copies of King Alfor’s research on the comet ore and some of his initial notes on the rift. The only known way to hop realities is with Voltron or one of its lions. If you’re in a different reality, then you came here yourselves.”

            “But we didn’t,” Pidge insisted.

            Hunk nodded. “Yeah, I think we would have noticed. We’ve done the ‘other reality’ thing before.”

            “Going from reality into another isn’t exactly something you’d miss,” Lance put in.

            “But then how…?” Shiro didn’t get to finish his question. The docking bay doors opened and he strode onto the deck. Their eyes locked and it seemed like the world – and all of Shiro’s blood – froze.

 

**[Present]**

            The princess’s questions had occurred to him. But he filled in the third that she hadn’t picked up on. “How can you stand to be near me?”

            “Oh, Shiro…”

            He looked down at his right hand.

 

**[A Few Vargas Ago]**

            Shiro had his double pinned against the wall: left hand on right wrist and right hand on his throat. It strained against him, and he winced as it began to heat up. He wouldn’t be able to hold on much longer and then he’d be free again.

            “Shiro!”

            “Both of you!”

            He wanted to tell them to get away, to run, but he knew he wasn’t going to be able to handle this on his own.

            There had been that long world-spinning moment of recognition and then suddenly this man who both did and didn’t look like him had attacked, eyes glowing purple as he said, “Initiating Theta Protocol,” in a monotone voice. Shiro had pulled Allura out of the way and after that he’d had no time to think of anything except the fight.

            _I’m fighting **myself**_ , and it was weird, it was too weird, but he couldn’t think of that. Hand-to-hand combat took on a whole new meaning with this opponent. Fortunately, the double didn’t seem to care about anyone else: it was wholly focused on Shiro.

            He could feel the bayards trained on them both as he had his double pinned, but mostly he could feel his left hand heating up as the double’s arm glowed brighter. _I’ve got to think of something!_

            And then, all at once, the arm powered down. He stopped struggling, and his eyes flickered between that sickly Galra purple and Shiro’s normal black. “Y-you’re… you’re the real one, aren’t you?” he wheezed around Shiro’s grip on his throat.

            “Stand back,” he told everyone else over his shoulder before he let go.

            The double coughed and wheezed but didn’t attack. Sometimes, he’d look at Shiro as if he were about to, eyes glowing, but then they’d dim and he’d look away.

            “I… I suspected I wasn’t… wasn’t real… but I thought... if I tried hard enough…”

            “What do you mean?” he asked.

            “Most of the time, I was Shiro. I knew it as surely as you know you’re Shiro, too. But sometimes, in the dark… when the headaches came… sometimes I just knew that I shouldn’t be here.” He raised his head. “I don’t know what the plan is. I don’t know what they want me to do. _Besides Kill You All_ ,” he growled as his eyes went purple, but it didn’t last. “I don’t know how much longer I can …override my own programming.”

            “Are you a robot?” Pidge asked.

            “No? I don’t think so. I don’t feel like one. But then I felt like Shiro all this time, so…” He shook his head. “I don’t know what I am except that I’m a danger to you all.” He looked Shiro dead in the eye. “I know what I’m asking you, but… I have to be eliminated.”

            “What? No!” That was Allura.

            “We’ll figure out something!” Pidge declared.

            “Yeah, we can just… like lock you up or something for now,” Hunk insisted. “Until we can…”

            The double shook his head. “No. The Galra wanted me here with you for some reason. It’s too dangerous and I… I don’t belong here. Please.”

            Shiro looked over his shoulder at them all, then back to Him-But-Not-Him, this walking mirror image. Flashes of Zarkon’s witch taking on his form and holding him by his throat… echoes of Sendak’s voice, _“…a monster like YOU…”_

            He had to. He activated his hand. “I’m sorry.”

            “I’m not,” the double said. “I’m only sorry that I couldn’t really be the man you all thought I was.”

            Shiro aimed for the heart.

 

**[Present]**

            “You did what you had to do,” Allura told him.

            “How can you trust me after all of that?”

            “The Black Lion trusts you. We all heard her welcome you back.”

            “But how can _you_ trust me? I… I killed…” _myself._

            “You did what you had to do,” she reiterated. “It doesn’t make you a murderer.”

            “No? Zarkon was the Black Paladin before me. Maybe that’s my destiny, the destiny of all Black Paladins.”

            “I don’t believe that,” she declared firmly. “I don’t know, of course. I’m no oracle, no soothsayer. I cannot see the future. But you are nothing like Zarkon.”

            _Enough like him to pilot the Black Lion. Enough like him to kill…_ He dropped his hand. “You should at least try to get some rest,” he told her.

            “‘It’s what’s best for everyone’?” she asked, sounding amused. “I’ll tell you what: I’ll rest if you do.”

            “I’m not sure I can make that promise.” He’d already tried, honestly, and had been driven from his bunk by the thoughts of him killing himself, of what it would be like to be on the other side of that, of the same doubts his double must’ve had: how do I even know I’m real or this is real or I’m in the right reality or… and even if I accept everything as it is, the Galra _cloned_ me or made a robot good enough to pass as one… It was too much for his heart and his mind to take, and he’d fled here, to the observation deck.

            Looking up at the stars had calmed him once. He wasn’t sure if they ever could again.

            “Well, I’ll try if you try then; how about that?”

            And then Allura’s hand appeared in his. She took hold of his right hand – that accursed Galra weapon where his actual flesh and blood used to be – and squeezed it. He couldn’t help looking at her in surprise and then down at their joined hands. He squeezed carefully, experimentally, and she returned it. When he looked up to her face again, she was smiling.

            “I… I guess I can try,” he allowed.

            Her smile widened. “Good. Oh, and one more thing?”

            “Yes, Princess?”

            “We _are_ close, Shiro.” It was hard to tell in the dim lighting of the observation deck, but she might have blushed again. He certainly felt warm as she stepped away, hand slipping away from his as she headed for the door. She stopped as they opened and looked back at him. “Good night.”

            “Good night.”

            He watched the doors shut behind her, then looked back to the darkness of deep space that surrounded them. He still felt uneasy, he didn’t know what the Galra were up to, and he didn’t doubt that this was yet another nightmare to be added to the roster. But he yawned and turned to the door. He didn’t know what was going to happen, but he had to at least try.

 


End file.
